Still Here

This coldness is in my bones. My frame is frozen and rattling, searching for signs of life and renewal. Hungry for warmth and rest. For when you’re cold, you can’t rest. Sleep may come but it is not rest. It is a rote exercise of charging ourselves. Rest is the warmth that calms and heals and regenerates. That puts you to ease just by the sun beating on your brow.

Do you fear the cold? Do you fear this season?

I have and I haven’t. I thought I was stronger now, stronger than my weak weak days at college. I keep finding echoes of this anger and this fear around me in many people. This is good because at these times all you want is to hear you are not alone.

What is hopeful is that the season will change. And that there is so much goodness to anticipate. My sister will be married, and we will dance around all the celebrations that lead there. My husband and I will celebrate one year of sweet marriage. There’s a tropical vacation, and weekend getaways. There will be books and concerts and life to be had.

I need not fear the coldness or the darkness. There is power over it, and it will end now.